Feb 9, Lincoln

[notrocketscience]

It's been over a month since she promised Elias she would try and get help. She's spent so long keeping everything bottled up, the pain in her leg steadily getting worse, but she hadn't realised exactly how much it was getting to her until New Year's Eve. Until she'd thought maybe there was a chance, the smallest chance, that one day this city might decide to use its magic whims and heal her.

It had been stupid to hope, but she couldn't shake the thought. Now, it sits even more heavily than it did before, the weight of dragging her useless leg behind her all the time. On some level she knows that she could go to a doctor, ask them if there's anything they can do. Abby had told her in no uncertain terms that her leg was never going to heal properly, but she'd always tried to help with the pain. Admitting that though seems like giving in somehow, even if she knows she wouldn't think the same if it were anyone else.

It's not the worst pain she's ever felt. She's been shot and stabbed and tasered and drilled into; Raven knows what pain is. It's the living with it day in and day out that sets her teeth on edge, that makes her have days where she doesn't know how to push through it. It's after one of those days that she gives in, leaves work a little early and heads for the nearest clinic. Maybe they won't be able to help at all, but at least she can tell herself she tried, tell Elias that she tried.

She's been sitting in the waiting room for half an hour when somebody suddenly pulls up the chair next to her. Raven offers him a brief, polite smile, but she doesn't pay him all that much attention until suddenly he's leaning across, motioning to her leg.

He tells her that he can tell she's in pain, and Raven is ready to blow him off when he pulls a small vial out of his pocket, shakes it so she can hear it rattle. He tells her it's pain medication, something the doctor gave him after he was injured in the Purge, tells her she looks like she needs it. She knows, on some level, that taking medication off strangers is just about the dumbest thing she could do, but the temptation gets to her. He promises her no more pain and Raven can't help the fact that it sounds alluring, that maybe she won't even have to go and admit aloud to anybody that she's struggling with this.

She takes the vial he's offering, puts it in her pocket and walks out. For the next two days she considers it, trying to decide if she's sunk this low. She should call Clarke, ask her opinion, but she doesn't, because she doesn't want Clarke to know. She doesn't want to admit it, but when the pain gets so bad she can hardly move from her bed she gives in, unscrewing the cap. It's not a pill that falls out when she shakes the bottle but a small disc, an infinity symbol etched onto it. It gives her pause for a second before she figures to hell with it, puts it behind her lips and swallows.

At first there's nothing, which doesn't surprise her. Raven forces herself to stand up, to distract herself by getting ready for a shift at work she probably shouldn't go to, and halfway through getting dressed she stops short. The pain is gone. She hadn't thought it possible, but when she moves her hips to walk there's no discomfort, nothing. Her leg is still useless but at least it's not hurting, and a startled laugh escapes her.

It's been two years since she was shot, and for the first time she can't feel the remnants of it. If she thinks about it, she'll realise she can't remember how it happened, either, but right now she couldn't care less. The pain is gone.

Comments

[nocost]

That Raven doesn't even suggest her bike doesn't escape Lincoln's notice, but he assumes the restaurant must be close and so he says nothing about it, instead walking along beside, letting her lead the way to wherever it is they're going. They don't spend a lot of time walking places, she and him, because Lincoln never wants to put a strain on her leg. They also don't spend a lot of time talking about it either. New Year's Eve is the most they've spoken of it in a long time and he prefers to respect her privacy when it comes to her pain.

That's the Grounder in him, he knows it is and he wonders if he ought to make an attempt to change that. Maybe people want to be asked, maybe Raven would talk to him about it, but pain is such a private, personal thing.

"She does," he says. "She's well trained, she's strong. I think she can beat him, but I still can't help but worry about the fight. About her." He smiles faintly, but it's tighter than usual. "When I started telling her that, she wasn't very happy with me."

[notrocketscience]

Lincoln doesn't argue when she intends to walk, for which she's glad. She'd half expected him to, expected him to pipe up that he didn't mind if they took the bike, wouldn't want to see her strain her leg. She's thankful that Lincoln isn't the kind of man who would. For all that she knows he cares about her, he's always respected her right to privacy, her determination to keep this to herself.

If she wanted to talk about it, she knows he'd listen. But she doesn't. She didn't before, not wanting anyone to look at her with pity about something that nobody can change. Abby had tried her best but this is how things ended up, and Raven knows there's no fixing it, so there's no point in talking about it.

Besides, she knows that talking about this now would only lead to more questions. Her leg doesn't hurt but she can't explain why without lying or telling Lincoln about the little disc. She knows he'd look at her sternly, knows he'd caution against swallowing something that a random guy in a doctor's clinic handed her, but she doesn't care. It worked.

"People hate other people worrying about them," she says, giving him a wry look. She hates it, and she knows he does too. "You should know that better than anyone."

[nocost]

"Because I'm friends with you?" he asks, returning the look she's giving him before he smiles again. Raven doesn't like being worried over either and he well knows it, but that doesn't stop him from worrying all the same. These are the people he loves, those he would call his family, and when it comes to their well being and their safety, he worries. He can't help it. They're all perfectly capable people, all strong in different ways, all of them intelligent, but he still worries. He always will, it's in his nature regardless of the world in which he was raised.

They're finally in a place now where they don't have to be in danger. Where strange things happen, but for the most part, they're safe and they're warm and they all have places to go and easily accessible food. The idea of Victra putting herself in danger on purpose makes him feel as if his stomach has turned over, but at the same time he understands the need she has to be reminded of what she is. He doesn't feel the same way, he's been happy to leave behind the warrior part of his life, but he still understands it.

"I love her," he says. "How am I not supposed to worry about her when she tells me a man equally as strong and big as she is wants to come at her with a weapon and try to kill her?" Cassius won't just be fighting for something like first blood. Cassius is going to be trying to fight to the death, although Lincoln will put himself between them before he'll let that happen.

[notrocketscience]

"Well, yeah," she says, but she's laughing. The point is a little on the nose, but he's not saying it because he wants to get into anything. She knows he's half joking, despite the truth of the words. She knows he worries, but the last thing she wants is to stress him about worrying about her.

Victra is something else entirely. She knows there's nothing that's going to stop him worrying about her. She knows how much he loves her, knows that even if he understands why she has to do this, he's not going to stop being worried about it. Raven is a little worried herself, and she doesn't know Victra half as well as Lincoln does.

She doesn't know how they're supposed to put a stop to this, though. From what she does know about Victra, she hardly expects her to back down, and Cassius doesn't sound like the kind of man to go back on his word either. If they've decided they're doing this, there's little doubt in her mind that it's going to happen.

"We be there for her," she says, shrugging her shoulders. There's not much else they can do. They can't stop it, but they can be there to support her, and they can be there to jump in if they're needed. Raven knows she's not the kind of fighter that Lincoln is, but she'll still put herself between Cassius and Victra if she has to. "And be ready to kick his ass for her if we have to."

[nocost]

"I don't think I could beat him," Lincoln says honestly, although he's been preparing for the possibility that it might come down to that anyway. However it goes, he can't let Cassius kill Victra. He'll step between them before he'll let that happen, lay down his own life for her if that's what it takes, but he can't say that to Raven. She won't have him to put himself in danger like that and she certainly won't want him to die, to the point where he can't quite convince himself she wouldn't go to Victra if he told her what he plans on doing.

He'll do it, though. Offer his life in place of hers if it goes that far.

"I can't beat Victra," he says with a soft laugh. "Not even when I took the red drug. I don't think she even broke a sweat stopping me then and you've seen what Reapers can do. Even if he's not as well trained as she is, he's definitely as strong. I don't think I'd really have much of a chance in a fight with someone like that."

With Victra things are different. They fight, though it's mostly playful, because he's entirely sincere when he says he can't beat her. If they were to really and truly spar, she would put him down over and over again. And truthfully, he knows he would like it.

[notrocketscience]

She hasn't met Cassius, but she knows exactly how good a fighter Lincoln is. If he's convinced that he can't beat the guy, there's no way she's letting him put himself in the middle of danger. They'll have to find some other way to fix things if anything looks like it's going to go wrong, but right now Raven doesn't have any answers. The whole thing is a mess, but she doesn't see a way of stopping it from happening.

If Victra can beat Lincoln, even on the Reaper drug, she has to trust that she's a good fighter, too. Hopefully good enough to take on Cassius.

Raven gives him a sidelong glance as they arrive at the pizza place she'd been aiming for. "It's a crappy situation," she admits as she shoulders the door open and holds it so that he can get inside. "But we've been in worse."

She has to trust that they'll work this out, too. Raven's not about to lose anyone else, not Lincoln or Victra or anybody, so there has to be another way. There just has to be, she's not willing to entertain the thought that more people she loves might die.

[nocost]

"We have," he agrees, watching the ease with which she opens the door. He goes in ahead of her, then finds them a booth, knowing it's usually easier for her leg to slide into that than worry about the chairs and stools. These are things he does without being asked, without even really thinking about it, which is probably why Raven doesn't give him hell for it whenever he does it. He never makes it seem like he's going out of his way to accommodate her, knowing just how much she would hate that.

But today her leg doesn't seem to be bothering her at all. He goes for the booth from habit alone and it's only once he's seated that he thinks about the fact that her leg seems to be okay.

"Less pain today?" he asks, reaching for the menu at the same time. It's a casual enough question, he's not really prying, and he'll be happy to hear that's the case, if she tells him it is. The doctors here have more resources at their fingertips than Abby ever did and Lincoln knows she's a good doctor, but she had really been limited in what she was able to do. Darrow gives the doctors here so much more opportunity to really help people and he hopes Raven has finally gone to see one.

[notrocketscience]

He automatically heads for the booth and Raven knows why, but she doesn't comment on it. He's been doing this for a long time now, small little things that she's sure he probably thinks she doesn't notice. It's always been firmly in the column of things they don't talk about, along with a lot of things that happened back home.

She slides easily into the booth across from him, quicker and smoother than she might have ordinarily. She glances up when he asks the question, suddenly all too aware that she's been far too obvious. It's too much change too quickly, and she knows that it was hardly going to go unnoticed, but it's not like she was about to pretend otherwise.

Still, she knows what his immediate assumptions will be, and she's happy to play along with them. "Much," she agrees, nodding and reaching for her own menu. She hardly processes what she's reading as she opens it, but she makes a show of it anyway so that she won't have to meet his eyes. "Went to a doctor." It's not a lie, and she keeps her tone casual enough, matching his.

[nocost]

"That's great," Lincoln says, smiling as he flips through his menu, though he's looking at Raven as he does. She's not looking back at him and although she's always been more on the reserved side when it comes to her feelings, he's not sure if she's ever really avoided looking at him. It makes him think she's not telling him the entire truth and he knows her leg has always been a bit of a sensitive topic, but if she's seeing a doctor and he's helping her, that's a good thing.

He's not sure why she wouldn't want to tell him about that.

"What did they suggest?" he asks. If it's medication, he knows there's a chance it might not be able to help her long term, which would be disappointing, but maybe there's something else. Maybe there are some exercises or surgery or something Lincoln has never even heard of.

[notrocketscience]

She doesn't know what a doctor would have suggested because she hadn't made it past the waiting room. Maybe that was a mistake, but right now there's no pain and Raven can't remember the last time she could say that honestly. She thinks that on some level Lincoln would understand that. She knows that despite her own wishes, Lincoln worries about her and wants her to be happy. It's just that she also knows he's not going to approve of this particular method.

"A pill," she says, and again it's not necessarily a lie. She doesn't know whether the little disc she'd swallowed can really be called a pill, but it's the closest thing she can think of. She knows there's nothing long term that's going to be able to fix her, and part of her is a little concerned about this wearing off, but she's hoping it will at least last a while. She's spent the day without any pain and that's more than she ever thought she'd have again, so it's something.

She sets her menu down, only having barely skim-read it. "I know nothing can fix it properly. Abby made that pretty clear. But it's something, right?"

[nocost]

"It is," he agrees, looking back at her for a moment. It feels a little bit like she's defending something, defending the choice she's made to take the pill the doctor has given her, although Lincoln doesn't know why she would feel the need with him. Most of his concern when it comes to her leg is that she seems unwilling to see a doctor, to see what other options might exist in Darrow and if she's gone, if she's giving this a chance, then he's happy for her. Especially if it's working, giving her a chance to live without pain.

"And maybe something here can fix it," he says. "Abby didn't have the resources the doctors have here. I know she's a good doctor and I know she did everything she could for you, but there were limits. This place might be able to offer more."

There's so much here, after all. There's an abundance of nearly everything. Sometimes Lincoln is still thrown off by just how much there is available to them.